A New Happy Birthday - Feb 2013

 This day

On my birthday

It was all done in a different way

Someone sent me words

That I felt through me

Like something warm

This beautiful melody

I’d heard it before

But nothing so sweet

The words felt new

And so did the beat

Though there was none,

I could still hear it

And the words for once

I could feel

And taste and see

Through this new melody

Sometimes, some where we meet some one

Who we know not, and see not, and hear not too

And yet, there’s something that holds us on

That binds me to you

Thank you friend,

Just for being you



The Cereal Bowl

 The contradictions are so many and so intricately jumbled that it becomes impossible to identify one

single clear solution.

I’m sorry, I always start like this, with the first sentence that pops right out of my mind. I also believe

it’s the best way to get going because this way, you write an honest flow of thoughts rather than try

to formulate sentences, paragraphs, hell the entire piece.

So the contradictions – two of them are quite distinct – one, the belief that the answer is within me,

no one else can help, no one else can serve it on a plate for me. Two, there is neither a solution, nor

a requirement for it, that everything that’s happening is already happening according to a bigger

plan and bothering to butt your own nose inside is exercising unnecessary energy and effort into

something that will still decide its own course ultimately.

Think about it like this – imagine a bowl of grain, of cereals. Now imagine picking up a spoon and

tossing it around in the bowl. Those grains or cereals or whatever is in it will move around, there will

be an upheaval, an avalanche, a catastrophe inside. Everything is forced into movement, with or

without consent. Those contents inside are going to move more or less in the general direction that

you’re tossing them in. Everything will be jumbled up. Everything will bump against everything else.

As it gets tossed, some of it will go in one direction, some in the other, but mostly it will move in the

general direction that you want it to. Some of it will get out, fall out. And you can stop for a while

and put them back in.

This is what life is, a toss in which we are the grains, moving despite ourselves, whether we like it or

not, whether we want to or not. There are times when we believe that just because we are moving,

we are capable of making a difference. But the truth is that the bowl is in someone else’s hands. Call

it God, or nature, or a higher power or whatever else you must, but the fact remains that you DO

NOT script your movement in life.

I know it sounds like a very dismal attitude, but for some reason, this is my belief in life. I believe

that nothing really makes a difference, that a difference doesn’t need to be made, that whatever

difference is dues, happens on its own, like the changing seasons, changing geography, extinction

and creation of species. It’s like it’s a mindless circle going around constantly without a defined

destiny or purpose except that to keep moving. It’s as if this mindless circle is stuck in some inertia

that has no external force to put it to rest, or to significantly affect its motion.

When I think about the magnitude of existence, the only thing I realize is that as one single entity I

am insignificant to the point of non-existence. There is no way in which I can see the entire picture,

why bother to change it then? It feels as if I’ve already looked for answers several times over and

have come to the conclusion that there is no substance in the question itself. It’s like you arrive with

a wonderful solution that can bring world peace, only to realize that people don’t really want world

peace, and that having that challenge of avoiding war is what drives them on, that violence is a

dominant human trait that will exist ultimately in one form or the other.

It’s like taking a bath every day and getting dirty all over again. There’s no final answer, no

permanent solution.

Why aim higher in life then? Why look for something else? Why contribute or take? Why work hard?

Why do anything at all except what is required, what is absolutely necessary for right now? Why

want more out of life and why expect it to happen and even more importantly, why believe that it

will bring that ever elusive feeling of happiness or satisfaction or peace in your life?

Peace, satisfaction and happiness are right now in life, in the belief that this world is absolutely,

perfectly right the way it is, that you do not have the burden to decide which way it goes, or where it

is heading now, that the fact that people are getting killed, raped and cheated because it is supposed

to happen that way and that when it reaches its climax, it will change on its own accord, not because

you did something about it, or someone else did something, but because it was going to happen

anyway. Peace is in understanding that you don’t really have to do anything, whether you die today,

or tomorrow, or several years later, once you’re dead, it’s not going to matter what you did to you,

and if it matters to someone else, they sure as hell won’t be able to find you and tell you about it. If

everyone in this world would assume this feeling of peace, satisfaction and happiness, perhaps this

mindless spinning will stop and we would stop being forced to play this game where we know

neither the rules, nor the goals, not the referee and sure as hell no audience. We don’t even know

why we keep playing, we don’t know if we have the choice to stop, hell, we don’t even know that if

we do stop, will it even be our decision.

This ‘drive’ that everyone keeps talking about, is it even ours? How do we know it’s not just a design

to keep us moving on, playing on? Have you ever wondered why should you even have it in the first

place? Who makes the final judgement that you’re a loser if you don’t have it? If someone else

passes judgement on you, why the hell should you give a damn, if you do it to yourself, why

shouldn’t you just stop judging and just let things be? What the hell is the whole damn purpose?

So many people walk around telling you they can help you, they can give you a direction to your life,

or help you decide that yourself. Hell if you need to be helped into it, how is it yours? What did you

achieve then? Stop letting people make a fool of yourselves. You don’t need help. You’re fine the

way you are. That is the greatest achievement isn’t it- doing it all on your own? How is it on your

own if someone has helped you into it?

Show that finger to the powers that be, tell them you’re not playing their game, tell them you don’t

need anything in life, tell them their recognition doesn’t count, tell them you’re not their piece of

free entertainment, tell them you’re not playing anymore.

The Red Devil

 The Red Guy

Scene 1:

Mohan asleep in bed.  The alarm rings.  Mohan wakes up, checks the clock, turns it off,

falls back to sleep.  

A few minutes later Mohan’s mother walks in, brings in a hot cup of coffee and plate full of

goodies.   Leaves it by the table.

Mother:  Mohan wake up it is 6 o clock.  You need to study for your test. 

Mohan:   Ok maa, I am getting up. 

Mother exits.

(Mumbling in his sleep):  Its already 6 ‘clock.  It feels like I just went to sleep.  Oh God. 

I’ve got to wake up.  (Tries to get up, his eyes refuse to open).  I have to study or I will fail. 

(Tries to wake up again and is about to wake up)

A man in red hurriedly runs in pushes him back to sleep forcefully.  Mohan tries again to

wake up, the red guy, pushes him back down to bed. 

Mohan (to red guy):  I have to wake up.  I have a test tomorrow.  I have to study.

Red guy:  But it is too early.  Its only 6 o clock.

Mohan:  It is already 6 o clock.  If I have to pass the test, I have to start studying now.

Red Guy:  Young boys need at least 8 hours of sleep.

Mohan:  But I if I don’t study I will fail.

Red Guy:  Okay sleep another 10 minutes and then wake up.  You need your rest.

Mohan smiles and agrees and goes back to sleep.

Red Guy looks around the room, he finds a hot cup of coffee and the plate of goodies, eats it

and walks and patting his stomach and with a smile on his face, he smiles to his audience

and walks off stage.

Scene 2:

It is 10 o’clock. 

Mohan comes into the room yawning.  His father is watching cricket. 

Father:  Mohan it is 10 o’clock.  Your mother said you wanted to wake up early to study

today.  What happened?

Mohan:  I slept off dad, I just could not wake up.  I am going to study extra hard now and

make up for it.

Father:  Good.  Start right away.

Mohan:  I’m very hungry dad, I’ll just finish with breakfast and start.

Mohan walks to the table and checks out what is for breakfast.

Mohan:  Masala dosa, my favourite and what is this jalebi and  mango juice.  Wow, amma

is the best.  I’ll just get freshened up and eat all this.

Mohan leaves and The red guy enters and takes a seat by the table.  Mohan returns and is

surprised to see the Red Guy.  The red guy suddenly turns his eyes to the television set and

watches with concentration.

Mohan:  Oh its you again?

Red Guy:  (smiles) Oh, Hi Mohan. (continues to watch cricket).

Mohan:  Sits by the table ingoring the TV and is about eat his breakfast.

Red Guy:  (jump up) Sixer.

Mohan:  Who hit it?  Dhoni?

Red Guy:  Yes, he is your favourite cricketer isn’t he?  He is fantastic in this match, been

playing like a mad man.  4, 6, 4 6………..

Mohan:  Really?

Red Guy:  Yes, you are not watching the match, that is bad.  You should you know.  This is

a great match already.

Mohan:  I told you I have a test tomorrow.  I cant watch.

Red Guy:  Tomorrow is so far away, you have so much time today.  You should not miss

this match.  Anyway it is almost getting over.  Dhoni will finish it in 2 overs the way he is

going now.

Mohan:  But,….but….but  my test?

Red Guy:  Okay friend, just watch for a few minutes, one over.  Now that is fine isn’t it.

Mohan:  Reluctantly goes away to watch TV.

Red Guys returns to the table and eats everything on patting his stomach burps and leaves.

 

Mohan continues to watch TV.

Scene 3:

Mohan’s parents enter.  Mohan continues to watch TV

Mother:  Mohan, why are you watching TV?  Did you finish studying.

Mohan:  Jumps up and feels guilty.  (lies) yes maa, I finished studying.  I just needed a

break before I revise so I came to watch TV for a few minutes.  I’m going right back to

studying.

Father:  My son is a good boy.  Make something good for him to eat.

Mother:  I’ll make noodles for you, Mohan.

Mohan:  Wow, maa, make it quick, I’m really hungry.  I’ll be in my room studying. 

Mohan goes off into his room and picks up his books.  He starts to study.   His mother

brings in the plate of noodles and leaves.

Mohan stops studying to eat.

Red guys enters feeling very sad and sorry with a long face.

Mohan:  Oh its you again, what is the matter why are you looking so sad?

Red Guy:  Oh I’m just feeling sorry for you.  You have a holiday and you have to study.

Mohan:  I have a test tomorrow, I have to study now.  I whiled away all day. 

Red Guy:  Poor Mohan.  You should be doing so many fun things and here you are sitting

all alone in your room.

Mohan:  I should have been studying but was watching TV all day.  After the match I

watched two movies:

Red Guy:  Oh no, you should not have wasted your time.  Any way, now it is too late. 

Don’t worry so much.

Mohan:  I will surely fail if I don’t study now.

Red Guy:  Are you sure you will pass if you study now?

Mohan:  I don’t know, but I should try.

Red Guy:  Hmmm maybe you should, but rest for a while and then start.  You will feel

fresh to study.

Mohan:  yes, I think that is what I will do?

Mohan forgets about the food and lies down to rest.

Red guy smiles at the audience and picks up the plate of noodles and eats it up slowly

enjoying every bit of it.  His smiles burps and exits.

Scene 4:                    

A couple of days later.

Mohan walks in dejected.  His grandfather has come to visit.  Mohan is happy to see his

grandfather but cant show it because he is sad.

Grandfather:  Mohan, come here.  What is the matter son?  Why are you upset?

Mohan:  I failed in my exam.

Grandfather:  But why?

Mohan:  I did not study at all.

Grandfather:  That is very irresponsible.  You did not study that is why you failed.  You

know that.

Mohan:  I know, I wanted to study, but that fellow,…I should have never listened to him.

Grandfather:  Which fellow?

Mohan:  The red guy……

Grandfather:  Oh the red guy?

Mohan:  You know him?

Grandfather:  Tell me, does he always appear when you have to do something you don’t

want to?

Mohan (pauses and thinks) : Yea… I think…. Yes! Now that you ask me, he does keep

popping up when I have the most boring things to do.

Grandfather : And is he always egging you on to eat something?

Mohan : Yes! He does! How do you know that?

Grandfather : Tell me, does he always try to give you good reasons to do things you’re

NOT supposed to be doing but you want to?

Mohan : Grandfather, you know him so well! Who is he? Have you seen him too? Tell me!

Grandfather : Oh Yes son, I know him! I know him very well! And so will you, if you listen

to me very carefully.

Mohan nods eagerly.

Grandfather : I was also your age once…. And this red guy would keep popping up every

time I wanted to exercise. You see, I was quite fat, but I loved Cricket and I wanted to be

on my school team. They told me I couldn’t be in it till I reduced weight. And this red guy

would come and distract me every time I tried to work out!

Mohan : That sounds exactly like him!

Grandfather : I noticed that he would always be eating something and if I tried to stop

him, he’d get quite angry! I realized that was his weakness!

Mohan (wide eyed) : What did you do then?

Grandfather : I stopped keeping any tasty food around me! I’d only eat at meal times, and

that too the simplest of food I could. You should have seen him get angry!

Mohan : And then what happened? Did he fight you? Did you get hurt?

Grandfather : No, he ranted and raved for a while and then he disappeared!

Mohan (confused) : disappeared? Just like that? Where did he go?

Grandfather : Back where he came from. (points to Mohan’s head)

Mohan (touching his head and frowning) : My head? You mean he’s not real he’s just in

my head? He’s my imagination, he’s not real at all?

Grandfather : Of course he’s real! He’s real, and he’s very dangerous if he’s allowed to do

what he wants without you thinking about it. The Red Guy my dear Mohan, is Your Mind!

Mohan : My mind?

Grandfather : Yes, your mind! Your mind can be your best friend or the worst enemy.  Your mind

employs your intelligence against you by distracting you and weakening you.  This Red Guys knows all about

you.  He knows you strengths and your weaknesses.  It can trap you within your own mind and make a fool

out of you.

Mohan:  But grandfather how do I fight him then?

Grandfather (smiles) :  Just do what I did!  

Mohan smiles back excitedly and plans to teach the Red Guy a lesson.

 

Last Scene:

Mohan sits to study, there is a plate of samosa next to him.

Red Guy enters whistling.  Mohan sees him and ignores him.

Mohan:  How wonderful to see you studying.  I’m sure this time you will get great marks.

Mohan ignores him, continues to look into his book.

Red  Guy tries to reach out for the samosa.  Mohan draws it closer to him and continues

studying. 

Red guy:  Mohan, you are such a great boy, that is why you are my best friend. (trys to

reach out for one Samosa)

Mohan pulls it away and keeps it on his lap.

Red Guy ( Gets angry ):  Mohan come on, I am you friend.  Don’t you know me?  Please

give me one Samosa.

Mohan:   Yes I know you, red guy, I know exactly who you are.  You may be my mind, but

I am your master.  I have control over you.  You cant control me anymore.  You are

dependent on me.   You grow strong on my food.  I wont submit to you anymore, so stop

bugging me and keep quiet.  I want to study and pass this test, I will not just pass it but I

will get great marks.

Red Guy unhappily walks away.  Mohan continues to study.

Narrator:  Friends, understand that in you is a strong mind, and intelligent mind, a keen

mind.  Use it to achieve your goals.

The Tree Speaks

 F****, This one’s for you.

Ram and Priya were hopping along

Hand in hand, they were singing a song

And Bong!

They walk into the Tree!

Oh look, my love, he says to her

This tree looks right, let’s do it here!

She blushes and she moves near

And they do it all for the Tree to bear

They did it and left the tree behind

And the Tree spat all curses that it could find

It cursed them both, feeling very low

Just then it spotted a couple and Lo!

For Vikram and Neha were hopping along

Muttering and fighting, they were singing no song

And Bong!

They walked into the Tree!

Hey look! I think this is it!

Says Vikram, stopping and starting a bit

Wasn’t this the Tree that Ram talked about?

Where he and Priya, you know, made out?

Oh Yes! Says Neha cottoning on

Let sort it here, come on!

And so they argued around and above

And while they were at it, they also made love!

The Tree grimaced, but what could it do?

It wished it could walk, or just slap the two

But sighing and groaning, without a sound

The Tree bore it, as they romped around

They left and the Tree felt free at last

It just wished that night would fall fast

But they day was still young

And hopping along

Came Rahul and Kady, now, singing a song!

The Tree -

Oh what is this, why this plight?

Why do it all in my sight?

Do you think this love-exhibition is right??

Especially when I cannot fight??

You made those walls, those rooms, those halls

So do it there, where no eye falls

Why subject me to thee

Just let me stand, just leave me be!

Right from the days

Of your olden flicks

I’ve had to deal

With these singing chicks

And their heroes dancing around me

Why, oh why, this misery?

You grab me and garb me

And pull me undone

But trust me, your love making

Isn’t no fun!

I’m tired and sick, so better be gone!

Go take it elsewhere, show me no more

And don’t come to me now, hopping along!

The Philosopher's Here

 The Philosopher's back

Let the lines begin

Let's bring out the thoughts

From outside and deep within

Let's talk about the sun

The moon and the stars

Lets talk about the wind

The open lands and the closed bars

Lets talk about life

And people and beings

Lets make sense of them all

Of the weird and simple things

Lets let our tongues loose

Lets together think aloud

Let argue and bicker

And pump up the crowd

Let's share our thoughts today

And grow and rejoice

Let's talk about responsibilities

And of compulsion and choice

Let's bring it all out

Lets drawl and shout!

Lets sound it all out

Straight and round about!!!

The Philosopher's here today

He stands alone with all of you

He's everyone that's in this crowd

He's the one that's within you

So with him all about

Let the talks begin

Come share and sound yourself out

Come on and join in!

Honesty - and my lack of it

Define honesty.
The courage to accept the odds inspite of the shit they'll make you go through.

You Fail.
YOU FAIL
How can you be so driven to something that you let yourself hurt what you love to get it?
Redefine honesty.
The courage to see myself as 'not-worthy'.

Do you have it in you to live it????

Redefine honesty
The courage to not 'be human' as an excuse to what you want in life.

Redefine honesty
The courage to see things as they are and not you want to see them

Redefine honesty.
The courage to not want, to not want beyond all.

Redefine honesty
The courage to not be a parasite.

Redefine honesty
The strength to not love. The strength to love without expectations.

Now live it.
Live it or be ashamed of yourself for the rest of your life.

The Aftermath of Spiritual Inquiry

 Free is he who has no compulsions. We always respond to compulsions all our life long

- the compulsion to live

- the compulsion to fulfill desires

- the compulsion to fit in society

- the compulsion to achieve something

- the compulsion to progress spiritually

Be it noble or evil as long as we are slaves to our compulsions we are bound. Be it intrinsic or external, as long as we helplessly obey our compulsions, we are bound. 

We feel compelled to earn, compelled to eat, to live. Some people feel compelled to rape, to murder or to cheat. There is no difference in any of the above from the point of view of freedom or liberation. Whether the good compels you or the bad, as long as you comply, you are bound.

Swamini Shraddhanand Saraswati says some people are like creepers, they need to cling to someone or something all the time. I feel all of us are creepers, we all cling to SOMETHING. Ofcourse, an enlightened being would not need to cling to anything, Even if he has everyone and everything clinging to him, he is free because he himself clings to nothing. Now all of this is in theory - I don't know if such people exist. I've heard Bhagwan Ramana was one such free being. I don't know for sure... I wish I had seen him, met him 

This dependence, this helpless compulsion is very frustrating. Until some months ago I did not know I was trapped, now that I do, I hate it. I don't even know if it's true or if it is just some massive control tactic by our religion when all other tricks fail -  just look at it this way - it appeals to our most basic need - to be free. It is said that to be free one has to have the highest qualifications, only the bravest and strongest can walk on this path, and even then only the highest of them are worthy. Who wouldn't want to prove themselves worthy? However, there is no tangible goal to achieve, nothing that we get back by giving everything up, no practical utility. And to top it all off, the actual fact is that we're already free, we are already everything that we have to strive to achieve, we just need to know it. 

No, you don;t need to do it, you can keep living your life as it is. But it will never satisfy you, you will never be fully happy. But if you are liberated, you will be in a state of everlasting bliss. I'm wondering why they say that, This whole concept of 'everlasting' is very dubious. After all, everlasting is always interpreted as something that was, is and always be. How is that possible when the only state of time that truly exists is the tiny moment that we are now conscious of, everything else gets erased immediately like a sand drawing, either gone, or not in existence yet. Why this promise for 'everlasting' when that in itself is a paradox? That way, if you are happy, or even remember to be happy in your present moment, you are already free, already liberated.

As I write this, I want to send this to someone, to show it off, to get some recognition. Ther 'Creeper-ness' returns. Why would I want satisfaction that will exist momentarily when someone praises it? Or in the past which I will only remember (again for that tiny moment) that someone praised it? Or that non-existent future where someone might praise it....

Another set of compulsion follows - first the compulsion to share it and feel good about it and then the compulsion to stop myself from sharing it and practise self control for my 'spiritual upliftment'. Whether I follow either I am trapped. 

But as far as I know there is no third way... and I am supposed to find the FOURTH me... Again, is there a scam here.... or not?