The Madness of Believing.

MM: They're all dead. At least most of them are.
Aryan:Yea maybe. But I'm not.

MM: Staring at them is not going to turn you into them.
Aryan: I'm not trying to be any of them. They're just there to remind me that they were. And so I could be too.

MM: You'll get used to them being there soon, not even notice them. They'll stop making you feel excited then.
Aryan: If I do, it will only mean that I've imbibed them so deep in me that I don't need to look at them anymore.

MM: Saying is not equal to doing.
Aryan: Look at them. Do you know who believed in them before they became world famous??? No one except themselves. I know, for myself, that I cannot end up being nobody. One day, someone as crazy as I am now will put my smiling picture up there and be filled with the flame that fills me now. I don't know how I'll do it, I don't know what I need to do, need to be for that to happen, I just know it will. Only because it is meant to.

MM: :)

Trying to find me

To be what I want to be

Oh, just to be what I want to be

And not be what people see….

I wish to be what I wish to be

I wonder what it would be like

If on an island I chose to hide

With no one to see who I be

Who, then, would I wish to be….

And I wonder if I be THE ‘be’

And be someone for all to see

Would that make me happy ‘bout me?

To be where everyone wishes to be?

And I twist and I turn

And I mull and I churn

And I look beyond and within

But who I am, I do not yet see….

Pray say, who do I want to be?

Honesty - and my lack of it

Define honesty.
The courage to accept the odds inspite of the shit they'll make you go through.

You Fail.
YOU FAIL
How can you be so driven to something that you let yourself hurt what you love to get it?
Redefine honesty.
The courage to see myself as 'not-worthy'.

Do you have it in you to live it????

Redefine honesty
The courage to not 'be human' as an excuse to what you want in life.

Redefine honesty
The courage to see things as they are and not as you want to see them

Redefine honesty.
The courage to not want, to not want beyond all.

Redefine honesty.
The courage to not be a parasite.

Redefine honesty.
The strength to not love. The strength to love without expectations.

Now live it.
Live it or be ashamed of yourself for the rest of your life.

A Volley, Valley of Thoughts

'I am Aryan'
Am I?
I hold Abraham Lincoln's hand when I feel depressed. His words are one of the most profound I've ever heard in my life.
I read something wonderful today:
It's a quote by Konosuk Matsushita. Heres how it goes:
"The untrapped mind is open enough to see many possibilities, humble enough to learn from anyone and anything, forbearing enough to forgive all, perceptive enough to see things as they really are, and reasonable enough to judge their true value." I found this here.
I realize how high I need to rise from myself to be someone that I, at least, can admire.
I have been thinking lately, what it is to have a character, and what it is to be character-less. Is it character-less to do what you want to do regardless of the society's moral code? Is it character-less to define your own relationship norms, behaviour, religious, code-of-conduct norms? Am I character-less if I sleep around, don't kiss-ass my superiors, elders and everyone who I expect something from? Am I character-less if I drink when I feel like? Or smoke?
From a different perspective - Do I classify as a person having a lot of character if I do all of the above right as prescribed by everyone?
Here's my definition of character
1. I must be honest. To everyone, starting with myself.
2. I must REFUSE dependence of any kind, in any situation.
3. I must have the courage to speak my mind, and at the same time, the humility of keeping quiet.
4. I must follow my heart (if and when I can find it).
5. I must never judge. There's a God to do that, I have no right to steal his livelihood
6. I must always respect these:- TIME, MONEY, FREE WILL, COMMITMENT, EFFORT.
7. I must, at all times, follow my code of conduct. Mine, and mine alone. Completely and honestly.

I saw 127 hours. I cursed God all along the movie. I kept saying, how could you God, how could you put someone through this, how could you put anyone through this?? Just for your own fucking entertainment???
And he kept answering me "Can't you see the man's spirit?? Can't you admire his courage, his strength, his will to live?? Why do you only see the despair??" When Aron got his hand stuck in between that rock and couldn't free it, my heart stopped, my breath hitched, and i immediately reached for the mouse to forward it to the end, to see that everything went alright, that everything worked out. And God said, "Don't you even have the courage to see it(a movie) to the end??" I stopped myself and watched it.
I looked him up later, I saw him with that 'king' smile on his face, his son, his wife, and his still strong determination to live his life his way.
"I don't have that kind of a strength in me God." I miserably looked up.
"Oh, you do. That and more." He replied.

I was discussing success with my uncle, I asked him if success was success indeed if you achieved your target but it failed to make you happy like you thought it would. My definition of success would be being someone I can be proud of. Plain and simple.
Ranbir is right. 'Keep it simple, silly'.

Ibyte 19 Jun 2011

Lucky is he who does not believe in luck.

Ibyte

I don't want to feel pity
I do not want to despair
I want to believe in hope
In redemption and repair

Monologue: Escape

Aryan: Come on God, do you truly love me?
God:.......
Aryan: Then  let go.....

God:
If you feel like leaving
I'm not gonna beg you to stay
But soon, you'll be finding
You can run, you can hide but you can't escape my love

Aryan: *bursts out laughing as the song 'escape' plays on his mobile.....*

I am Aryan

It takes courage and prudence to accept yourself. It takes greater courage to accept yourself in front of others. It takes squashing-the-jelly-in-your-belly kind of courage to accept yourself online.
Like every one of my plans, I feel fear as I initiate this one. But I just saw 'The Shawshank Redemption'. And it made me think of this:
"Sometimes, we claw at a wall, desperate to escape. We are so busy fighting the wall that we refuse to give ourselves the time or the opportunity to seek another way out.
Its like when a pigeon flaps helplessly at a glass window, so tempted by the sunlight on the outside, panicking, so frustrated at being trapped, so engrossed in negativity that it refuses, is incapable of seeing the open window right next to it.
Take time from your despair, to first accept, ACCEPT! your situation. Take a deep breath, step back and re-evaluate. You will find your window to freedom."

Yes, I thought it all up myself. And yes, I know it sounds good. And no, I'm not being a prat praising myself out of my own mouth, I'm simply trying to explain the purpose of this blog.
Time and again, I have bursts of philosophical thought that sounds amazing. Sometimes I put it up on Facebook. Some of my friends like it.
Most of it is a self motivation dialogue I give myself, pretending I'm talking to God, and trying to presume the answers he'd give me if He were right here. So much so, that this God has become my reality, my companion, my friend. Call me delusional, but I believe these fine thoughts are his gifts to me, to keep me sane, to keep me going. And I believe in Him, as he is in the temples, as well as the way he sits in front of me in the loo, where we mostly talk, persistent through my haze of frustration, self doubt, desperation and misery.
I hope His words, and mine, that I put here, will help you as much as they helped me. And I hope ('Hope is a good thing, and good things never dies - shawshank redemption) that they will set me free.